As Death Walks to my Door
by rabbitTsukino And SenshiofRuin
Summary: Silver Millennium fic. Zoisite is seriously injured protecting Princess Serenity. Embittered and unable to accept the consequences of the attack, he pushes everyone away, including Kunzite. Can their love survive the cruel hand that fate has dealt them?
1. Prologue

As death walks to my door

Written by: RabbitTsukino and Senshi of Ruin

Beta read by: Mizu no Senshi

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon and its characters are property of Toei Animation and Naoko Takeuchi. We own nothing except the plot.

Prologue:  
  
(Kunzite)  
  
Death, in itself, is life. However, it takes life from us. For in between Heaven and Hell there is a place of reason. This is where desires and lust lie.

When innocence is buried and the rest of our lives become no more important then a cockroach. When humans live they feel pain, mistrust, happiness, and hope.  
  
They know that life is ever fleeting. That death can swallow them whole whenever it wishes, no matter for how long or short you have stayed on the Earth, but for us, the Shitennou, it's different.  
  
"Kunzite-sama, will I always be in so much pain?"  
  
I cannot look into those emerald eyes of his anymore. Not like this. Not when I'm so used to his former self._  
  
_

I want to say 'no'. It's my ever-waking desire to rid him of this horrible pain, but all I can do is hang my head low and feel his breath on my cheek. He's so close to me. I can't let him go. His fingers gently tangle themselves in my hair.  
  
"Kunzite-sama. Can you do it? Can you heal me?"  
  
His voice is so soft and child like that it cuts through my heart.

Gently I lay him back to his bed. I can't bear to look at him for long, so I shy away from his painful glance.  
  
"I'm sorry, Zoisite, but I cannot. I've tried to while you where sleeping. I've even tried a few banned spells, but nothing. Anything I do. It fades..."  
  
Zoisite put weight on his arms and struggled to lean against me once more.  
  
"But... but, Kunzite-sama. You can do anything. I know you can! Please. Please fix me."

I look into his eyes; for once in a long time.

Gently I cup his chin in my hands. I kiss his lips tenderly. It's hopeless.

Slowly this realization dawns upon him and Zoisite starts crying.  
  
"I…I can't believe it's going to end like this," he managed to get out.  
  
"I always thought..." but Zoisite stopped there, almost unwilling to voice his thoughts and I was strangely glad of this. He quietly placed his head on my chest and whispered:  
  
"But I guess it doesn't matter what I think anymore."  
  
I tightly held him in my arms. For once in a long time feeling so helpless and not knowing what would lie in our future. This frightened me even more than this moment.


	2. Chapter One Endymion

Chapter One:  
  
(Endymion)  
  
It's sad. I don't think I have ever seen Kunzite in so much pain. Although I've never fully understood Kunzite's relationship with Zoisite I still feel for him.  
  
"How is he?" I asked the other King.  
  
A stupid question to say in the very least. I didn't really know what else to say, though. I never do in these kind of situations.

Kunzite's eyes gazed into mine.  
  
There was a mixture of emotion in them. I couldn't tell if it was pain or laughter to the lame question I just asked.

Maybe it was both.  
  
"He's taking one day at a time." Kunzite said flatly.

I guess that's better then moping around all day long and not doing anything.  
  
"How is Serenity?" Kunzite asked.  
  
He really must want to change the subject, since he only saw her a few days ago.  
  
"She's fine." I told him.  
  
The two of us were in the gardens. The garden was huge. With a fountain and an array of flowers. I used to think of the garden as a place to relax in when the stress of being the King of the Earth got too much. Now I could never remember feeling so tense as I walked down the well-worn path that led out of sight of the palace.  
  
Kunzite turned his gaze towards the cathedral. It was large and had beautiful glass stained windows. When the sun hit them it looked as though a rainbow went through.  
  
"Do you believe in God?" Kunzite asked me.  
  
I was rather surprised by the question. I never really thought of Kunzite as the type of person to think of such things.  
  
"What?" I asked him.  
  
I noticed Kunzite smiled sadly.

"Nothing, it's just something stupid I've been thinking about lately."  
  
"Well I guess that's natural. I mean you and Zoisite are really close. So I can understand that."  
  
Kunzite turned his head to look at me.  
  
"And what do you know of it? My feelings for him." He demanded to know.  
  
Nothing I have to admit.  
  
"Well it's not like your open on your private affairs Kunzite."  
  
Kunzite stood back a little.  
  
"We used to be friends. We use to act like brothers," he said sadly.  
  
I lowered my gaze to the ground. It was true. It's not like I had been the best of friends lately.  
  
"I know. But this whole being married thing. I'm still really not used to it. It's one thing to be a husband and king. But it's completely different-"  
  
"No that's not it." Kunzite said cutting me off.  
  
"You've never really been supportive of Zoisite or our relationship."  
  
I sighed. "Half the time I never knew there was a relationship. You and Zoisite kept it hidden for so long. So, of course, every one was surprised."  
  
Instantly I had wished that I hadn't said that last part. It had come out more abruptly then I had intended.  
  
"Kunzite." I said as I whirled a round.  
  
Kunzite gave a half corner smile. "You know what, forget it."  
  
He sighed and started to walk out of the garden.  
  
"I'm going to check on Zoisite and see if he needs anything."  
  
And with that Kunzite left. It was really for the first time I felt as though one of my friendships was ending. 


	3. Chapter Two Ami

Chapter Two:

(Ami)

He tries to be strong, if only for Kunzite's benefit. He says that he is taking each day at a time and is seemingly content to continue with the physiotherapy. He is not positive, but he is not negative, so Kunzite thinks that he is coping. When we are alone it is different.

He was crying again. I could hear him in the next room. I cannot imagine what it must be like to suddenly have something that you take for granted snatched away from you. He still hopes, whether it is that his treatment will help him to walk again or that Kunzite will heal him, I do not know. Indeed, I have seen Kunzite trying. He tries everyday when Zoisite is asleep. He did manage to heal the actual break, but the damage had been done. Not even Kunzite can fix the damage to his nerves, and the added pain in his heart.

I paused by the door to his room. He wouldn't have ever left the small dark little room in the infirmary had Kunzite not insisted upon it. He will not see Endymion-sama at all. I can understand that. How can he defend his Prince when can no longer defend himself? He will be reliant on Kunzite for the rest of his unnaturally long life. I just wonder whether Kunzite understands fully what this means. Would he be prepared to look after Zoisite for that long? I do not doubt their love, but even love can fade over time when faced with these sorts of circumstances. I think Zoisite knows this too.

I knocked on the door and after several seconds he allowed me to enter. His eyes were dry, but I saw the redness in them indicated his sorrow.

"How are you feeling?" I asked him, as I placed the tray down on a side cabinet, "How was physiotherapy?"

"Fine" came his sullen reply.

"Just fine?" I pressed him, "I heard you were doing very well."

He turned his head to look at me and I cringed when I saw the dull and muted look in his eyes. It pained me to see him in such a way.

We had been engaged, be it only for a short time. My parents wanted me to marry someone of importance and Zoisite, as one of Endymion's guardians, was the perfect choice. Of course, it helped that I already had a crush on him. There had always been something about the youngest of Endymion's guard. A certain charisma and beauty that set him apart from the others. Though that beauty could be misleading. He was often cruel and hated Nephrite, Endymion's second strongest guard, with a passion. He hadn't seen Nephrite since his accident, though the man was just as concerned about him as we all were. Nephrite was afraid that Zoisite would think that he mocking him by visiting and had kept away.

But I loved him, for all his faults and temper tantrums I had loved him with all my soul. It broke my heart when he told me it was over, though in his mind it had never truly begun. In truth I had already suspected and let him go. I wanted him to be happy. His happiness was all that mattered.

"If I was doing well" he finally responded to my question of earlier, "Then I wouldn't need that" he indicated the wheelchair with a nod of his head, "Would I?"

I ignored this and poured some tea, "Would you like a cup?" I asked him.

He shook his head, so I sat down at his side. Neither of us spoke for a moment.

"Did you see Kunzite today?" I asked, though I knew very well that the white haired man had hardly left Zoisite alone since it happened. He felt guilty. He blamed himself for what happened.

"Yes."

"What did he say about your treatment?"

"The same as you."

"You think it is a waste of time?"

"I want to die."

That killed the conversation right there.

"Ami-chan" his voice took on a desperate tone that I was so used too, "Help me. There must be something. Give me something? You have access to the drugs, right? Just give me anything that will end this!"

I was used to this and shook my head, "That is not the answer."

"Then what is?" a tear slid down his cheek and, angered, he brushed it away. "How can I live like this? Soon you'll get tired of playing nurse and leave. I'm no use to Kunzite-sama like this. He'll leave too and I'll be alone. I don't want that! I can't bear it!"

"How do you know that Kunzite will leave?"

"He can barely look me in the eyes! I was beautiful, and now I'm ugly in his eyes! He won't want to spend his life looking after me! I'm no use to him anymore."

"Why not talk to him about this?"

"Because" Zoisite drew a harsh breath, "I just can't!"

"Do you still love him?"

"Yes, but I can't _love_ him and he can't love me."

I lowered my head, "And you think all he cares for is sex?"

I was sick of trying to raise his spirits. I had, had the same conversation with Zoisite all week and each day I had said the same old things. Every day I had to talk him out of suicide, but both of us knew he could do little on his own anyway. Instead I did the one thing that I could. I held him. It was different to all the times that I had seen him in Kunzite's arms. He cried, though he did attempt to remain strong until the emotions overwhelmed him. He gave into the fear and cried against me until he exhausted himself and fell asleep, leaving me with my own thoughts of that terrible day four weeks ago.

_Youma attacks were all too common in the Earth Kingdom at present. Beryl, enraged and twisted with bitterness that Endymion refused to return her love, would often have Youma gatecrash a ball or even a religious ceremony that would take place at the palace. Of course, security was tight, but somehow Beryl's armies would always find a way in. It was a never-ending tide and, as usual, I was caught in the middle of it._

_Endymion and Serenity had just got married. The ceremony was simple and took place in the cathedral near the palace. Afterwards, Serenity had gone to change before they embarked on their honeymoon. They were going to my home planet, Mercury. Of course I, as one of Serenity's guardians, was going with her, as was Rei-chan. Nephrite and Jadeite were to go to protect Endymion, though I knew for a fact that Kunzite had been meant to have been going, but Jadeite, who had a crush on Rei, had persuaded him to switch places. _

_The wedding had been relaxed and I had been walking back through the gardens with Kunzite, Endymion and Zoisite when it happened. A portal opened near the eastern wing of the palace and, as usual, about twenty or thirty Youma poured forth. I transformed, and sent a 'bubble spray' attack directly at them. It killed a few, but more replaced them. Kunzite and Zoisite had already entered the fray and as I fought, Rei, Minako and Makoto also joined in. It looked as though we were winning. _

_I was fighting alongside Endymion when it happened. He was frantic. He couldn't find Serenity anywhere. The battle was nearly over and Kunzite decided that we could deal with the remaining creatures and ordered Zoisite to find the Princess. Zoisite agreed, though he was slightly hurt that Kunzite would send him and not one of us. _

_I paid him little heed and concentrated on finishing off the remaining Youma. Within a few minutes the battle had been won. We had been lucky. Makoto was bleeding from a scratch on her arm, but apart from that we had remained untouched. I de-transformed, as did my fellow Senshi, but Kunzite was still uneasy. _

_Not having any powers outside my transformation, I could not sense any Youma aura, but Rei could. _

_"It's coming from Serenity's rooms" she cried out, even as Kunzite also came to this conclusion. I ran, even as my civilian self, up the never-ending flights of stairs that led to the Princess's rooms. _

_Endymion pushed passed me as I reached the top, and flung the door open. _

_"Serenity!" he cried out. The Moon Princess was on the balcony, her dress torn and in places blood seeped through the beautiful gown that she worn to her wedding not an hour before. _

_"Endymion-sama" she murmured in a daze before pitching forwards in a faint. Zoisite stood over her, struggling furiously with a Youma. It was stronger than the ones Beryl had sent before and in an instant I knew why. This had been staged. Beryl sought to kill Serenity! Her jealousy had overwhelmed her again. _

_"Serenity!" Endymion cried out as the Youma's blade shattered the ice crystal in Zoisite's hand. The sound of his King's voice distracted him and the Youma made a mad dash around Zoisite and reached out with a clawed hand to take another swipe at the Princess. _

_"Zoisite!" Kunzite pushed passed Endymion to race to his lover's aid, but Zoisite was quicker. As the Youma leapt for the Princess, he stepped between them. The Youma did not stop. Whether it could or it sensed its own destruction and sought to take Zoisite with it, I didn't know. Its weight slammed into the pretty man and they struck the balcony railing. _

_The railing was brittle and Endymion had been meaning to have it replaced, but his servants had not got around to it yet. It gave way and they fell. I cried out as he fell, even as Zoisite himself screamed. I'll never forget the crack as he landed; even though we were a floor up I still heard it. A deathly silence followed. Endymion was knelt down at Serenity's side, torn between his guardian and his wife. _

_Kunzite was not so torn. He raced down the stairs and I followed him. Serenity was shaken and had a few cuts but would be all right. I couldn't say the same for Zoisite. _

_Kunzite reached him first. Zoisite, amazingly, was still conscious. He lay on his back, the dead Youma draped across him. Kunzite flung it aside and then tried to maneuver the little king somewhat. _

_"Don't," I snapped, grabbing his arm and forcing him aside, "Don't move him."_

_"Why?" this was Zoisite. His eyes held a misted over look about them, his forehead creased in concentration even as I asked him where it hurt. _

_"My back" came his small and suddenly terrified reply. _

_"Can you feel this?" I placed a hand on his chest. He nodded weakly and I moved my hand lower to rest on his right knee. "What about this?"_

_"No" the panic was setting in now, "Ami-chan, I can't feel it."_

_"You might just be stunned by the fall" I replied, trying to keep calm, but the memory of that awful crack was still etched in my mind. It was in Zoisite's, too as he started to cry. _

"Ami-san?" I jolted out of my recollection when the door opened again. Kunzite stood on the threshold, looking uncertainly in. I smiled invitingly and laid the now sleeping Zoisite back on the pillows.

"How is he?" Kunzite asked.

I nodded, preparing to lie once again, "He's a little tired that is all. He has another session in a bit. I was going to have lunch. Would you like to join me?"

Kunzite agreed and we left the room. The dinning hall was deserted as it was well passed 2 o'clock. We ate in silence, Kunzite lost in his thoughts and me in mine.

I occasionally looked up, wanting to broach the subject that pained Zoisite so and try to make things right between them. It was not my place, but I would do anything to take away Zoisite's suffering.

"What were you thinking about?" the white haired king asked after a while.

"The accident."

"It was my fault. I told him to go after Serenity."

"No!" I cried out. I had never seen Kunzite like this and it pained me so much. So much hurt…

"I told him to go after Serenity. I should have guessed Beryl's plan. If I had just gone with him. If I had reacted quicker…"

"It wouldn't have made any difference. Zoisite cares so much about Endymion and Serenity. He would have done anything to protect them."

"But why at such a high price?"

"Do you think about the future?" I regretted that question as soon as I voiced it, but Kunzite was feeling too guiltily to take offense.

"Sometimes" he allowed, "I used to see our future and now… it is all black. I can't see any way forward."

"Will you stay with him?"

I wanted him to answer this and at the same time I was terrified of his reply. Kunzite did not answer me straight away and it turned out that he didn't have too.

"Kunzite-sama?" his voice sounded so broken and forlorn, but Kunzite's ear preferred not to hear this and instead focused on the fact that Zoisite had managed to get himself all the way from his room to the dining room. Kunzite knelt down beside the wheelchair and presented Zoisite with a perfect pink rose. The little king smiled and took the flower, nodding enthusiastically to Kunzite's questions. Only when Kunzite's back was turned, did I see the saddened look in his eyes once more. Then the pretense was back. Zoisite complained that he was tired and Kunzite offered to take him back to his room. I let them go, watching how the older man was with his lover. He had not answered my question and how I wished that he had done so.

* * *


	4. Chapter Three Endymion

Chapter Three

(Endymion)

There wasn't anything that I could really do for him. My friend, my brother. Although once I was very cheerful and cared deeply about the ones around me, and who I love I found myself growing ever more resentful and bitter.

Often times I wondered why I was the one who had to be King. Who made that destiny? I was never given a choice. A birth right such as that is something you are given. It's something that you cannot break away from, though I have tried countless of times.

"Endymion-sama. Is something wrong, dear? You look ill."

I gently smiled at my wife. Serenity is a great comfort to me. When we first met each other as children I never really thought that I would even like her, let alone fall in love with her. However, as time went on, and as we grew, we both found that we cared about each other and had more in common then we would ever be able to share with each other.

Shaking my head I did my best to put on a smile and hoped that Serenity wouldn't see through my ever-growing discomfort.

"No, darling. I'm just tired that's all. I had a horribly long day and just want to relax."

Serenity smiled, pleased with my answer. I could normally confide in my young wife, but this was different somehow. Zoisite had been hurt whilst protecting her. The subject of his accident pained Serenity so much as it was. How could I add to her suffering?

"All right," she turned from me and started to head to the door to our room.

"Where are you going?" I inquired curiously.

Serenity laughed. "Rei-chan is visiting today, remember? She is going to teach me how to conduct a proper tea ceremony. Well I guess you don't because when I told you a few days ago you where half a sleep. However, I did remind you a couple of times."

I sighed. Lately I hadn't been a very good husband let alone a very good friend. I didn't really like myself right now, so how could I do either?

"Yes. I'm sorry, Serenity. I did forget." I admitted bowing my head. Feeling embarrassed Serenity smiled.

"It's all right. I understand. I better go now, I don't want to keep Rei-chan waiting and I'll see you later tonight. If not tomorrow if you go to sleep early."

With that Serenity shut the door behind her.

It was a few minutes more before I heard a light knock at my door. I had seated myself in a relaxing cushioned chair, and, indeed, had started to doze off.

I was actually disappointed when I heard the knock and, at first, began to ignore it if it where not for the sweet welcoming that accompanied it.

"King Endymion? I'm sorry to disturb you so late, but I would like to talk to you." I was surprised when I recognized the voice as Ami's. Slowly I got up from the armchair and answered the door.

I hadn't seen Ami for quiet a while. We weren't really friends, although she was close to Serenity and despite the fact that we both where intelligent and 'nose in a book' types. We never really got passed that. Ami was too quiet and I had not bothered to take the time to get to know her properly. I fleetingly wondered how well I really knew any of Serenity's guardians.

"Come in, Ami-chan." I welcomed her. She gave me a curt thank you and slowly entered the room.

"What's on your mind?" I asked her.

Ami sighed and leaned he back against the wall.

"I'm worried about Zoisite. He really hasn't been himself since the accident, which I can understand. However, I'm not sure how well he and Kunzite are doing. I'm so worried that something will happen. Not just to Zoisite, but to Kunzite as well."

I nodded my head thoughtfully. The same thing had crossed my mind many times that day.

"I spoke to Kunzite myself the other day. The attack has really torn a hole their relationship."

Ami frowned and awaited my reaction. When I offered none, she continued with:

"I think it's worse than you know. Zoisite is so afraid to be left behind. He feels as though he is a burden to Kunzite, and, I hate saying this, but I suppose that he is to a certain extent."

I sighed. I could see the pain in Ami's eyes. She had never been a very animated person facially, but this time I could see that the worry of her friends had taken its toll on her as of late. I guess Ami herself may not realize this.  
Ami is a very good and kindhearted person. She always puts others before herself. I wished that I could be like that. I wished that I could be a better comfort to Kunzite.

"I'm just at such a lost on how to help them. I know that I'm the King and I should have answers to every thing really, but this time I don't know. The situation is just so sad. I hate seeing one of my guardians in such pain. I hate not being able to express myself to my friends better."

I sighed and sat down in a chair.

I am not normally so vocally open to my companions. Let alone my friends, but for some reason I felt as though I could trust Ami. I've always felt that way.

She doesn't tell secrets and she knows when a person is hurting. Hurting so much that she will to anything to help them.

"King Endymion, forgive me for being so forward, but you are just a human being. You can't fix every thing no matter how much you may wish it. It's a bitter hard pill to swallow, isn't it? You have all of this power and strength, but you can't do something simple like healing your friend."

Ami closed her eyes as though thinking about what next to say. Normally I wouldn't tolerate such an accusation on my own account, but since it was Ami I would allow for her to tell me the truth.

None of my servants really have enough courage to stand up to me. Sometimes my wife does but not a lot. She has a very fragile ego and wishes to spare my feelings most of the times.

But when where at war or when another crisis comes up Serenity always manages to surprise me and puts me in my place. She reminds me who I am and what I stand for.

"If there is anyway I can help Zoisite and comfort him, you know that I will, your Majesty. I just wish that things could have turned out different, but that's a fairy tale isn't it?" Ami asked me sadly.

I nodded. "Indeed yes. When I think about the past. I can see myself playing in the snow."

Ami looked at me. She was surprised to here me talk about my childhood, which was a rare occasion to say the very least.

"I remember what a youthful boy I was and how many dreams I had in my soul."

I paused and then I said:

"I wonder what happened to all of them..."

I felt like crying, but I couldn't bring myself to do so. Instead I hung my head low to my chest. Feeling weak because I couldn't protect my truest of friends.

I was so into my own thoughts that I didn't see Ami-chan walk behind me and wrap her arms around me.  
It was a simple act of her kindness and I greatly appreciated it.


End file.
